Subject: Uh Oh . . . .One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior that was going on.
So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, 'Yes, it is bad on Earth;
95% aremisbehaving and only 5% are not.
God thought for a moment and said, 'Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.
'So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said,
'Yes, it's true.The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.'
God was not pleased.
So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good,because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn't get one either.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
If my Body were a Car...
IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires....
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires....
Su Wong marries Lee Wong
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year,the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. '
Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...
Are you ready for this? ..................................Sum Ting Wong
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents. '
Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...
Are you ready for this? ..................................Sum Ting Wong
Watch who you fire
Corporate Shake-up
If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts
and thinking things through, you will love this!
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new
CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a
wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that
he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400
a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came
back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said,
"Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and
asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts
and thinking things through, you will love this!
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new
CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a
wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that
he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400
a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came
back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said,
"Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and
asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"
From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
Answers to Life's situations
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty thru God in pulling down strongholds, Casting down imaginations and every high thing that sets itself against the Knowledge of God, Bringing into captivity every thought to the Obedience of Christ. II Cor 10: 4-5
Be Anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, With Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.
And the Peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds thru Christ Jesus.
Finally Brethern Whatsoever things are True, Noble, Just, Pure Lovely and are of Good Report, any Virtue or PraiseWorthy, THINK on these things. Phil 4: 6 7 8
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++===
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty thru God in pulling down strongholds, Casting down imaginations and every high thing that sets itself against the Knowledge of God, Bringing into captivity every thought to the Obedience of Christ. II Cor 10: 4-5
Be Anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, With Thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.
And the Peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds thru Christ Jesus.
Finally Brethern Whatsoever things are True, Noble, Just, Pure Lovely and are of Good Report, any Virtue or PraiseWorthy, THINK on these things. Phil 4: 6 7 8
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++===
Thomas KinKade books
The Cape Light Series
Edition:
1.
Cape Light (Cape Light Series, Book 1) by Katherine Spencer 2
2.
Home Song (Cape Light, Book 2) by Katherine Spencer
3.
A Gathering Place (Cape Light, Book 3) by Katherine Spencer
4.
A New Leaf (Cape Light, Book 4) by Katherine Spencer
5.
A Christmas Promise (Cape Light, Book 5) by Katherine Spencer
6.
The Christmas Angel (Cape Light, Book 6) by Katherine Spencer
7.
A Christmas to Remember (Cape Light, Book 7) by Katherine Spencer
8.
A Christmas Visitor (Cape Light, Book 8) by Katherine Spencer
9.
A Christmas Star (Cape Light) by Katherine Spencer
10.
A Wish for Christmas (Cape Light) by Thomas Kinkade
Happy Moments - Praise GOD Difficult Moments - Seek GOD Quiet Moments - Worship GOD
Edition:
1.
Cape Light (Cape Light Series, Book 1) by Katherine Spencer 2
2.
Home Song (Cape Light, Book 2) by Katherine Spencer
3.
A Gathering Place (Cape Light, Book 3) by Katherine Spencer
4.
A New Leaf (Cape Light, Book 4) by Katherine Spencer
5.
A Christmas Promise (Cape Light, Book 5) by Katherine Spencer
6.
The Christmas Angel (Cape Light, Book 6) by Katherine Spencer
7.
A Christmas to Remember (Cape Light, Book 7) by Katherine Spencer
8.
A Christmas Visitor (Cape Light, Book 8) by Katherine Spencer
9.
A Christmas Star (Cape Light) by Katherine Spencer
10.
A Wish for Christmas (Cape Light) by Thomas Kinkade
Happy Moments - Praise GOD Difficult Moments - Seek GOD Quiet Moments - Worship GOD
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